As supermarkets take centre stage for battles between Pepsi and Coke, Carlsberg and Heineken, McDonalds’s and Burger King it begs to ask the question what other businesses are fighting for the sum of money you usually find in your trouser pocket?

In a world where virtually any company can compete against everyone, the Mars Bar and The Sun are having a rivalry across all available frontiers. Though we have not (yet) come to an age where you can eat and read a newspaper, both are ancient in existence and with the same price tag they are eternally battling for the Queen’s nose. Indeed at 50p they are surely worth every penny for whatever it is they offer - pleasure, humor, satisfaction, sodium bicarbonate?

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I have a deep seated secret.

Wait, let’s start a bit earlier than that. This is the time of the year when little Catholic children of 7-8 years of age receive their First Holy Communion. Yep, it’s when they receive Jesus for the fist time ever, in the form of a thin wafer dipped in wine.

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I enjoy networking events, especially breakfasts. Usually these feature speakers, many of whom are prominent members of the business community. As professional speaker and former broadcaster, I’m eager to hear their wisdom. But too often I find myself crying into my napkin as I see another speaker put an audience to sleep.

Here are some quick tips that can keep you out of the Boring Speaker Hall of Fame:

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“But first a few words from our sponsors” and those few words are turning into more and more. There are also more and more commercial interruptions and they never say excuse me when they interrupt.

Most people ignore this rudeness and use commercials as snack breaks and toilet trips, but no one gets a beer or flushes one down the toilet during the Super Bowl. They don’t want to miss seeing horses play football or the nerd getting the pretty girl because of the car he drives.

Not all commercials are entertaining. Some are educational and contain fifteen, thirty or sixty seconds of possibly life-changing information.

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10. If a Cat comes home at 4am, it slinks in, quietly, and lies down. When your Child comes home, there is a loud crash in the hallway followed by laughing, singing and belching. Afterwards, when it finally gets quiet, the home becomes awash with loud snoring accompanied by the Flapper Butt Band playing “Smell Me Honey All Night Long” and occasionally mixing in with the White Porcelain Buddy Band playing the hit tune “Barf Until You Feel It Down Below.”

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